. . . And while you're trying to keep a stiff upper lip as you solve this mystery check out the rest of the Budoshin Ju-Jitsu Yudanshakai website and the Budoshin Ju-Jitsu Store!

Have fun and seasons' greetings.


Contest Winners- Great CSI Reports!!

First Place: Steve Pendergrass

POOR JEEVES

It was an ordinary winter day.  My mind kept wandering as I watched the snow being blown from the trees.  Tiny whirls of wind were hypnotizing me while I sat in my plush recliner.  The warmth of the fire place and the humming of the breeze through the trees had lulled me to sleep several times in the last hour.  I reached for my cup and took a sip of my cherry slurpy through my new Slurpy-No-Bo and eating double layer chocolate, peanut butter fudge when the phone rang.  An old friend was gone.  Jeeves and I have history together.  Struck with the sudden loss, I was swept back to a day long ago.  A boy and his manikin, climbing trees, running through the brush and then that infamous night.  The night I was helping Jeeves change into his pajamas when … It’s all fuzzy from there.   It’s not fuzzy now.  My old friend was gone.   As much as one try’s to maintain an unbiased, professional approach, today would be different.  Face down in the middle of the floor was a butler’s butler.  A manikin’s manikin, as it were.  I took the case before I read the details.    Fedora in hand, I set out. Jeeves would be avenged.  This time it’s personal.

After careful analysis of the crime scene, it came to me.  Slowly I turned, step by step.  Inch by inch, bit by bit, I paused. 

The Facts

Fact #1: As of late, Mrs. Kirby has been undergoing medical treatment for so called “Medical Problems”.

Fact #2: It has now been released that Professor Kirby will be undergoing so called “Medical Treatments” in the near future.

Fact #3: The Kirby’s have always been known to praise openly their butler.

Fact #4: The Kirby’s had a few so called “Domesticated Animals”, aka dogs and cats.  We’ll call them Doggy X and Kitty Y.

What does all this mean?  Let me put it together for you using my expert skills of logic manipulation and field analysis. 

The Kirby’s were overheard by Doggy X and Kitty Y planning their next Caribbean Vacation.  This was the final straw.  Its winter now and they weren’t going to be left in the cold while mom and dad worked on tanning the unmentionables at some swinger resort.  A plan was formed.  They would stow away in the luggage and share in the bountiful luxuries of lore.  They planned for weeks.  Everything was ready.  When unbeknownst to our infiltrators, Jeeves, the trusted butler and life servant of the Kirby’s overheard their dastardly deed.  No amount of Christmas spirit was going to hinder their plans.  Before the Kirby’s could come home from their pre-trip shopping spree, they would have to strike.     

As most are aware, histamine response can develop over time and exposure.  Jeeves, a loyal butler of 14 years has been exposed to such allergens as dander, dust and loads of Asper-cream.  Even while maintaining a rigorous exercise program, a hybrid of Isometrics and the English Royal Guard’s military stance techniques, age and exposure take its toll.  But let’s not let this so called happenstance go without further analysis.  It is a well known fact that domesticated animals are well aware of their torturous effects on the nasal receptors.  As documented with numerous cases of rubbing and nudging and pawing and just plain being cute while warming up to you.  Then they strike. 

But I digress.  Doggy X and Kitty Y crept ever so quietly behind our loyal servant.  As Doggy X began rubbing his leg the histamines began to flow.  Weaving in and out of his legs the release became more apparent.  Then, Kitty Y moved in for the kill shot.  Jumping from the chair to his back and then wrapping himself around poor Jeeves swollen neck, he fell forward.  An anaphylactic reaction started settling in.  Doggy X and Kitty Y watched as the epiglottis swelled closed.    All the evidence is right there in the completely sealed throat.  Doggy X and Kitty Y are guilty. But, is that where the blame really lies? 

This is California.  No one is responsible for their own actions.  We find our poor domesticated friends taken from their parents in their youth.  Orphaned and left to fend for themselves in the cold hills of Santa Clarita.  Barely able to find table scraps.  Put yourself in their situation.  Mom and Dad are gone, probably killed by this oppressive system of doggy eat doggy.  Now the only parents they know are planning to leave them yet again to party and frolic on the beach sipping Pina Coladas.

Those party animal extremists, the Kirby’s must maintain some responsibility.  Locking Jeeves in the house with those evil domesticated animals and exposing him to years of abuse would take its toll.  The Kirby’s, or for now on will be referred to as “The Man”, must accept some responsibility.  “The Man” has been oppressing doggy and cats for years.  Domesticated my foot.  “The Man” set up these rules of kitty boxes and doggy houses in an attempt to keep our domesticated friends from rising up and taking their rightful place as masters of the world.  For shame George and Adel.  For Shame.

The real truth is as obvious as the nose on your face.  The GOP and the DNC have teamed up to remove all doubt that the government is in complete control of your lives.  With the help of the evil Dick Cheney and his crony George W. Bush in association with Big Oil joined forces with the Messiahs Barrack Obama, Al Gore and the Global Warming alarmists, the government plotted to assassinate Jeeves.  You see Jeeves was no ordinary butler.  His family and friends were unaware that Jeeves was an undercover agent with the FBOHCOGIOOC (Federal Bureau of Holy Crap Our Government is Out of Control), a covert federal agency working to protect the rights of Americans from an oppressive government.  Jeeves was close to exposing their plan to remove the rights of citizens … (that plot to be explained later).

OR…

Someone left a window open the wind knocked him down.  Just bend over and lift him back into position.

Second Place: Linda DellaPelle

Ahhhhh, poor Jeeves!  Who killed Jeeves? What does the evidence tell us?

Evidence:

1) an empty cup in holiday red

2) a poinsettia plant

3) a Santa hat (congruent with the Christmas Holiday time)

4) the body position-face down/arms down at the sides  and a small, clear spot of drool by the head

Interpretation of Evidence:

 1) A holiday cup suggests a holiday beverage.  An empty cup suggests that Jeeves ingested the beverage.  Could Jeeves have drunk himself to death?  Alcohol poisoning can be deadly.  Binge drinking - rapidly downing 5 or more drinks in a row -  is the main cause of alcohol poisoning.  However, Jeeves was known to remain dutifully at his post.  There was no evidence of a large jug of liquor at the crime scene., therefore, someone would have had to make repeated trips to Jeeves in order to ply him with liquor.  There was no evidence of a traffic pattern in the carpet to suggest that a second party had been treking over the carpet to refill Jeeves' cup.

CONCLUSION: Jeeves did not die of alcohol poisoning.

 2) A poinsettia plant was found at Jeeves' feet.  Perhaps Jeeves became desperately hungery.  Since he would not leave his post, and since there was no evidence of Christmas cakes, cookies or candies on the coffee table, Jeeves may have grasped for the only edible thing within his reach....THE POINSETTIA PLANT!!!!!  Herein lies the problem: it is a myth that poinsettias are poisonous.  A 50 pound child would have to eat 500 to 600 poinsettia leaves to exceed the experimental hazardous doses reported by the Poison Index Information Services.  Only 1 plant was available to Jeeves.  (For the record, that 1 plant had not been stripped bare of its leaves.)

CONCLUSION: Jeeves did not die of poinsettia poisoning. 

3) A Santa hat was found positioned such that it had fallen from the victim's head upon impact with the ground.  Why was Jeeves wearing a Santa hat?  Yes, it was the Christmas Holiday, but was he wearing the hat willingly?  Was he coerced into wearing the hat?   We don't know.  More importantly, how did Jeeves FEEL about wearing the Santa hat?  Did wearing that holiday hat make him feel sad, mad, or glad?

Statisically, we know that many folks can become depressed during the Christmas Holiday because their expectations are not met by the reality of their situation.  However, some folks are very happy at Christmas....the folks with low expectations.  Jeeves could have been very sad because he expected to look much more handsome in the Santa hat than he actually did.  OR, Jeeves could have been very mad because he never wanted to wear that hat in the first place!  OR, Jeeves could have been very glad and elated to wear the holiday hat.  Unfortunately for Jeeves, his stoic demeanor required that he keep his emotions bottled up inside.

CONCLUSION: Years of repressed emotion took a physical toll on Jeeves.  Cause of death was due to repressed emotion.  He may have died in a state of sadness, madness or gladness....we'll never know.  Because its Christmas time and I want a happy ending to this report, I choose to believe that Jeeves died a happy man.

 4) Jeeves charcteristic stance of attention with eyes forward and hands at his sides was not altered before or during his fall to the ground.  The small , clear spot of drool was at the side of his head.

CONCLUSION: No hands were stretched out to brace for the fall.  Jeeves was dead before he dropped flat on his face.  No hands were clutching at a painful area of the body.  Jeeves experienced no pain upon death.  The drool spot at the side of the head indicates that the first respondent to the crime scene shifted the stiff (rigor mortis) to examine the qualities of the spot underneath the head.  A small spot is not indicative of large quantities of vomited alcohol due to excessive imbibing.   This validates my exclusion of death by alcohol poisoning.  A clear spot is not indicative of vomited poinsettia leaves.  This validates my exclusion of death by poinsettia poisoning. 

FINAL CONCLUSION:  JEEVES WAS NOT A VICTIM OF FOUL PLAY.  JEEVES  FELL VICTIM TO HIS OWN REPRESSED EMOTIONS.  JEEVES DIED HAPPY, IMMEDIATELY AND WITHOUT PAIN.

This analysis submitted by CSI AGENT LINDA DP.  If you believe this report, REAL ESTATE AGENT  LINDA DP has some ocean view property to sell you in Death Valley.